How to gain relevance with your target audience

The old joke from my days as a science writer was that the photo was too often the same: a man in a plaid shirt presiding over a metal box filled with wires.

That's how I came up with the mantra "Write about people with problems, not boxes with wires." As writing coach in technology PR for the past 10 years, I asked professional writers to think about the group of people that both journalists and marketing directors share an interest in, and write about them.

Customer, reader -- one and the same

Marketing directors care about the customer; journalists care about the reader. And guess what? That's the same person. Write about that person -- his problems, decisions and actions -- and the technology and messaging come along for a free ride.

But write about the technology or the messaging and ... zzzzz. MEGO sets in.

Keep eyes from glazing over

MEGO stands for My Eyes Glaze Over. (I got that phrase from a Los Angeles Times New Delhi bureau chief. )

This is how to gain relevance with your target audience: Write about the audience.

Start with "why," especially if you're talking about science

Executive Summary:

Talking science to lay audiences is difficult because scientists themselves are trained for academic rigor, not public outreach. Examples from Wired magazine, TED talks and the Wright brothers demonstrate that by telling a story "out of order" -- by starting with "why" -- scientists (and their spokespeople) can influence society and invite financial security.

Key Points:

1. Just by rearranging the order of your presentation or online post, you can reach a broader audience and get peope to lean forward while listening rather than passively sit back.
2. Start with "why it matters," even if it's just your opinion or if the proportion of your presentation dedicated to that perspective is scant to nil. Let "how" bring up the rear.

Sound Bite:

"Unfortunately, science is underrepresented in social discourse, in large part because scientists are reluctant to communicate with lay audiences."

*****

Read the whole article:

If you're communicating with a lay audience about science and technology, start with "why." For most of us, that means telling the story out of order.

If you don’t start with “why,” you won’t be heard. Instead, you’ll be white noise that people easily tune out. Your audience needs a personal reason for becoming engaged with your “what” and “how.” So first create a sense of purpose, and only then follow up with facts. Give people a reason to listen and they will.

Unfortunately, science is underrepresented in social discourse, in large part because scientists are reluctant to communicate with lay audiences. When they do communicate, their “story” adheres to academic standards in which the lead is buried and the natural drama is drained out.

If you work in science PR or are a scientist willing to reach out and influence someone, this post is for you.

I suggest starting your first draft of an article or speech by asking yourself these questions from the audience’s perspective:

• Why?
• Why now?
• Why does it matter?
• Why should I care?

Also ask, “What role does the technology or research play in the larger scheme of things?” In other words, say why it matters to have that particular role fulfilled. Do not describe how it works or what you did to arrive at your conclusions – save that for later.

When you do this the first few times, it feels wrong. You'll argue, "How can I tell them why they should care if I haven't even told them what they should care about?" That seems logical, I agree. But as it turns out, telling the story out of order is only a problem for you, the explainer. Readers and listeners have no problem with it.

If you’ve got an academic paper on hand, try this: Go to the very end, even past the final summary, to the very short section where the author suggests future questions or experiments. It might only be two sentences and you may not consider it the most important point, but it’s probably there.

Now make this the opening line of your speech or article, even if presenting to an audience of scientists. Why? This is the part of the presentation the audience can act on or make decisions about – in their own lives.

I guarantee they will perk up and listen closely.

By contrast, if you start with your assumptions, they’ll half-listen, waiting with patience for the good part because they have been conditioned to do so – that is, if they’re scientists. Non-scientists will try to listen but fail to find a handle they can hang onto, and eventually their minds will wander.

After starting at the end, now go out on a limb and venture an opinion. Tell everyone why you think they should consider these suggested actions and decisions. Tell them what’s at stake. Describe what could happen if they don’t. Show them how the future could potentially differ from what we expect, and why that would be advantageous.

If it makes you feel better, tell the audience it’s your opinion, and then tell them again that it was your opinion right before you dive into the objective facts.

If you don’t believe me, try it yourself and watch the audience response.

The approach above (starting at the end of the academic paper) is just one way to find the “why.” I’ve got many more up my sleeve, which I can share with you when you hire me for a workshop.

I’m not alone in preaching the virtue of “why first, how later.”

If you look closely, you’ll notice that news stories on scientific topics start with “what’s in it for me,” “why care,” “why care now,” or “why it matters.” The “how” is always near the bottom or at most two-thirds from the top.

Below are similar messages, one from Wired magazine, the other from a TED talk. (Thank you, Edelman clean technology team (my colleagues), for bringing these to my attention.)

In the Wired article, Jennifer Ouellette – a director with a National Academy of Sciences program – is quoted as saying scientists “feel that the facts should speak for themselves. They’re not wrong; they’re just not realistic.”

Another person quoted in the story – Kelly Bush, CEO of a PR firm called ID – says, “They need to make people answer the questions, ‘What’s in it for me?’ ‘How does it affect my daily life?’ ‘What can I do that will make a difference?’ Answering these questions is what’s going to start a conversation.”

“The messaging up to this point has been ‘Here are our findings. Read it and believe.’ The deniers are convincing people that the science is propaganda,” Bush said.

In his TED talk, Simon Sinek says business leaders need to start with the why, and only later give the what and the how. (My, my! How familiar!) He uses Apple Inc., Martin Luther King Jr. and the Wright brothers as examples of history-changers who started their communications with why.

I’m heavily paraphrasing, but have a quick look:

Apple: “We believe in changing the world and thinking differently. We’re doing that by making products that are beautiful and simple to use. Oh, and by the way, we sell computers. Want to buy one?”

Imagine if the order was reversed and the why was left out: “Want to buy a computer from us? Ours are beautiful and simple to use.”

Not so credible. Not so compelling.

MLK: “I have a dream,” not “I have a plan.”

Wright brothers: “This flying machine can change our world for the better.”
Langley (who made the same effort but whose name we don’t know): “I want to build a machine and make money.”

Tell people why they should care, then backfill with the backstory. If you do it the other way around, you risk losing your audience altogether or – at a minimum – losing an opportunity to engage them in your entire presentation.

Writing tips: How to shift from traditional press release to social media news release

Executive Summary:

PR teams are having to adjust the style and tone of social media press releases (also called Smart News Release or Rich Media Release). This article offers granular how-to advice.

Key Points:

1. Think "info-snacking." Today's readers want visually appealing information broken into smaller bits, including visuals like photos, videos and infographics.
2. Shorten words, sentences and paragraphs. Use more subheads with verbs in them. Picture sentences as pullout boxes floating in an inviting sea of white space.

Sound Bite:

"Plunk down the snacks as if you're arranging carrot sticks, dip and whatnot on a tray for guests. Journalists and bloggers can nibble as they like, clicking and lifting up whatever bits they think they can use in their online story."

*****

Read the whole article:

Going from a traditional press release to a social media news release requires three big shifts:

• Length
• Visuals
• SEO

I'd say there's a fourth category -- tone -- but the changes you make in length (and SEO) will give you the changes you need in tone. And since this post will focus on "how," I'd rather keep it simple, so you can be like Nike and just do it. No need to impress you with my erudition on the whole enchilada. ;-)

Having said that, though, let me address tone for just a quick minute. You'll see how it leads into length.
Imagine yourself writing website copy, which is a little closer to ad copy. But don't go so far as to write like it's a blog post, which usually includes idioms and strong opinions.

SMNR tone usually isn't as direct as ad copy, which uses second-person "you" instead of third-person "he/she/it/they." Nor is it like broadcast copy because you still have to write for the eye, not the ear, which means catching skimmers with a strong "first three words," not letting the punch fall at the end of the sentence.

But the words and sentences in an SMNR are shorter and plainer (not boring, just simpler), as you usually see in all of the forms mentioned above (Web, ad, blog, broadcast). So if you've got sentences with introductory clauses ("Blah blah blah -- comma -- blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."), break them in half. Often you can delete the first part of the sentence altogether.

Likewise, streamline the vocabulary by using more Anglo-Saxon words than Latinate (next, not adjacent; set, not establish; start, not initiate; build, not construct). And take verbs in noun's clothing, and turn them back into verbs (the deployment of, deploy; the provision of, provide; the implementation of, implement). In other words, shorten everything.
The vast majority of traditional press releases are done poorly, in my opinion. And if you are in PR, you know what I'm talking about. You're sort of forced into a bizarre straightjacket of formality and distance from the customer, which seems contrary to the goal of a press release, but who am I to question decades of entrenched custom?

My advice here is directed at what I know your reality is, not what I think a good press release of either kind (trad'l or social) should look like. So, back to that ...
You've shortened your sentences and words, which has also changed tone. You need to continue deleting or ignoring content that would normally appear in a traditional press release. Most of this will be intuitive. I think you'll choose well, once you know that 50 percent to 85 percent of the words will have to go away. Usually, people I have worked with do this easily, once given permission to cut-cut-cut. So I won't dwell on that here.
Now for visuals. Imagine that you are designing layout not writing copy. Pretend you work for a fashion magazine in New York or you're in the art department at Fortune magazine.

This is really the essence of an SMNR. It's a visual jumping-off point, much the way a resume is a visual jumping-off point in a job interview. People spend time making a resume look pretty at a glance, and it's meant to be glanced at, not really read. It's meant to give the gist, then trigger questions and conversation.

But in the case of an SMNR, it's not questions and oral conversation we're after; it's clicking. You want to give the essence of your announcement, and then let the rest be "snacks" for the new style of reading, which has been called "info-snacking."
Standard "snacks" in this new world are photos, videos, info-graphics and links.

More and more, I'm also seeing slide shows on the top-tier news sites, and I'm liking that trend, by the way. But that's a bigger time investment, and your client may not be able to deliver.

Usually, the PR person doesn't create this kind of content on the spot in response to being assigned a press release. So you need to negotiate for it. You need to ask your client early on for photos, demos and links. Increasingly, clients know they must produce this stuff, so that's no longer as hard as it used to be. But the switch for you is that you must add this conversation to your standard process, and add it early.

Nowadays, the quest for creating visual content should be ongoing, so it's not necessarily related to writing a press release of any kind. The press release is just one more vehicle for delivering what has been produced. This gets into the larger issue of "public engagement" versus one-way communication, but for the purpose of this post, I'm focusing on the needs of a PR person who has been asked for the first time to switch to SMNRs.
Usually, there's a template you can use. BusinessWire has one (called a Smart News Release), and others are also available elsewhere. Edelman calls it a Rich Media Release and uses Adobe software called Contribute (discosure: Adobe is a client).

Just plunk down the snacks as if you're arranging carrot sticks, dip and whatnot on a tray for guests. Journalists and bloggers can nibble as they like, clicking and lifting up whatever bits they think they can use in their online story.

So, going back to content for a moment, remember we talked about deleting a lot?
The words you kept will go into little boxes or box-like chunks floating in white space.

There might be a general intro, then another box for details (perhaps in very short bullet points but no more than four -- three is ideal), then another box for a quote (or an entire section of quotes strung all together like beads on a string rather than interspersed throughout the text as in a news story), all of which should be shorter than what you're used to.

You might even have a box for customer quotes that link to case studies on a website, for example. Or you might link to a Facebook page.
The Karcher Group puts it this way. I'm quoting from its website here:

- Content separated into different sections, such as Key Information, Facts, Quotes, Links, etc.
- Use of popular social media tools, such as RSS feeds and tagging
- Ability to share content on social networking sites like del.icio.us, Facebook, Stumbleupon, LinkedIn, etc.
- Ability to view/download items such as logos, banners, audio promos
- Include links to blogs and other resources
- Embed multimedia elements like video, photos, and audio

Your links, video, info-graphics and photos will tell some of the story that your now-missing words would have told, only better.
More visuals: subheads and headlines. Just as a resume uses boldface to divide up and call out different kinds of content, your SMNR needs boldface subheads. And just as you did for the body of the text, you'll need to tighten the words and content in the headline.

Your SMNR should be an invitation to delve further by clicking on electronic story elements.

I call this "pogo-sticking." The reader isn't meant to glide smoothly from the first word to the last but to hop around, almost at random.

If you're good at helping your client understand what will have traction with the news media and bloggers, those very same storytelling elements are what should be in your SMNR. If you or your client instead prefer company-centric bragging, those will be your elements.
An SMNR is *not* likely to be any more successful than a traditional news release. Format isn't the point. If you have material that will surprise or delight a reader or help him make a decision about something coming up soon in his own life, you will get pickup. If you don't, you won't. You're either useful to readers or you're not. Format seldom improves relevance.
Which brings us to SEO. I have long advocated what the SEO people are now telling everyone these days: Write in the language of the audience. Please, please, please stop trying to coin new words or market categories, without at least also using the vocabulary already in use among prospective customers.

The SEO people will also tell you that this natural language needs to be in key places (headline, subheads, first paragraph, captions, video description). But I have been fighting that battle and losing it for nearly 10 years now, so good luck with that. I'm hoping that this new SEO/Google world we live in will shake clients up a bit and get them out of their self-absorbed marketing bubbles.

For more on that, check out this post by Maddie Grant on SocialMediaToday. Her post also links to the now-famous diatribe by Tom Foremski ("Die! Press Release! Die! Die! Die!").

I recommend going to Business Wire for advice on all of the above. In my dealings, this company has been ahead of trends while well-grounded in ethics and principles that never go out of style.

When "cheaper & better" carries you across the chasm

My colleague @allenbush offered an excellent asterisk to my post on making the leap from trade press to business press. It's so well put and so right on that I'm sharing it with you, with his permission, of course. I added the subheads.

Here are relevant excerpts from his e-mail to me:

I found one exception (perhaps not an exception but an asterisk) to a rule you mentioned in your post - that reporters are not interested in better/cheaper - actually two on that same note. The big one is disruption.

Technology that removes a barrier

Disruptive products are interesting specifically because they remove a major price or complexity barrier and take something from niche into the mainstream in doing so. Reporters are very interested in this.

The key is that it's not just the "cheaper and better" that you lean on, but that it's moving a product across the proverbial chasm and creating or expanding on a market in doing so.

But it's in fact the "cheaper and better" part (when dramatic enough and in the right product spot) that can start a disruption. Unfortunately, truly disruptive products are few and far between!

Affordability as a timely topic

The second one is simply that there are opportunities for affordability stories out there as long as the economy continues to suck. So again, couching a significant price differentiator in the right terms can generate coverage.

How to write quotations for press releases

Do you have to include a quotation in a press release?

No.

Then why bother to include one, other than that it's a PR custom?

No canned messaging, please

Adding a quotation to a press release gives you an extra opportunity to gain relevance in the lives of the recipients. Unfortunately, most companies squander this opportunity by slapping quotation marks on either side of canned messaging.

Credible? No. Compelling? No. Likely to induce the MEGO effect (My Eyes Glaze Over)? Yes.

Instead, consider quotations the perfect spot for tying your announcement to external context -- that is, something happening outside your company that's on your audience's mind. Make your commentary opinionated or interpretive.

Real-life example of context and opinion

Here's an example. [3/30/10 addendum: This quote example drew criticism on Ragan.com.] This an excerpt from a press release announcing that a top news exec is joining my employer's executive team. Richard Sambrook, previously the BBC's director of global news, has become Edelman PR's global vice chairman and chief content officer.

The italics and parentheses in our CEO's quote below are mine:

"... His journalism and senior media company management resume is difficult to rival (opinion); equally important to us
and our clients, Richard has been at the forefront of the digitisation of
news and its interaction with the audience and stakeholders (external
context)...."

This quotation helps answer the questions "why him" and "why now."

Yikes! Not this!

In contrast, this version would have been bad:

"We're delighted to announce that Richard will round out our executive team by
helping us deliver on our commitment to provide best-of-breed PR to all our
stakeholders."

I hope you're laughing. Familiar, isn't it? Too many press release quotes sound just like this.

Anxiety-ending tip: Don't write, just tweak

Here's a great trick I picked up from David Dickstein, whose role at Intel is at times similar to mine: Don't write a quote at all. Finish writing your release, then circle back to something you already wrote and slap quotation marks around it. Then tweak it to add external context that's on your audience's minds. Then tweak again to add interpretation or opinion.

The common pitfall is to write a press release, all except for the quote, and then say, "OK, now, what should I say for the quote?" At that point, your mind is empty, so no wonder it's a futile struggle. Always keep this in mind: relevant content first, wordsmithing later.

"Why this? Why now?"

I often hear about people trying to "sound like an executive" or "sound smart" or "write in the CEO's voice." Boollschitt. (Excuse me!) That's fake. Don't do it.

Focus on answering these questions: Why this? Why now?

Listen for these moments to find client content that you can pitch

You can’t count on your client or your client’s customer to give you the storytelling fodder needed to catch a news reporter’s interest.

So you need to listen.

And ask questions, but at the right moments.

The following moments are storytelling gold mines. Listen for:

• surprise
• emotion
• lesson learned
• obstacle overcome
• counter-intuitive decision
• point where no one knew what would happen next

These are the places in a conversation where it pays to tune in extra carefully and ask “micro-questions.” By that I mean highly detailed questions that you normally wouldn’t pose elsewhere in the conversation.

Sample micro-questions:

1. What color was the cap?
2. Do you remember his exact words?
3. What was the first thing that he did next?
4. It sounds like that upset you. Why did it hit a nerve? Did it remind you of something? What?
5. What else was happening at the time? Who was doing that? Why?
6. What do you mean by “tough”? What problems were you having? Why was that such a problem?
7. What were you doing in the moment when you changed your mind?
8. What do you think would have happened if you’d done it the other way?
9. What made you think it could work? Why didn’t you quit? What were others saying?
10. Hindsight’s 20-20. Is there something you’d do differently if starting from scratch today?

Here’s the rub. Most PR people I know will hear the right moments and instinctually fall silent. Reporters, on the other hand, hear those same moments and ask more questions. My personal impression is that most of the PR people I know well are talented at putting people at ease. One way they do this, I believe, is to give people plenty of personal and emotional space when the conversation veers toward the possibility of pain or embarrassment. This is nice, kind, gentle, thoughtful, etc. I appreciate this in them.

But I also believe that these innately diplomatic people would also be good at asking tough questions gently. If they instead fall silent, no story will appear.

As a journalist, I learned this from experience. I was embarrassed many times when I was new because I often had to call sources back to ask for extra detail after I’d returned to the office. In time, I learned that the detail I needed always seemed to center around one of these turning points.

Storytelling is different from exposition (explaining) in that it involves personal transformation. Think of the last novel you read or movie you saw. A character for whom you felt sympathy overcame obstacles in pursuit of something he wanted, and learned something along the way.

This isn’t artifice. It’s really how human beings live their lives.

To make a technology story palatable to a mainstream audience, you may need to locate characters that the audience can care about and reveal some of the trials and errors they encountered along their road to success. Here’s an example of a software story that became a human interest story. It ran in Monday’s San Francisco Chronicle. When you read it, see if you can find any of the above “moments.”

Stories create community when they’re about real people we can care about and learn from. So if you find yourself feeling nosy and inappropriate, remember that if you’re nosy in the right way, you can create bridges among members of the human family who previously didn’t realize how much they had in common. Plus, your client’s name and contribution will get some good digital ink.

News releases: Fix your broken approval process

The worst thing about news releases is the approval process. Too many cooks, as the saying goes, right? After too many iterations, what comes out in the end often looks like something that's been through a trash compactor.

Does it have to be so painful and unproductive? Can we fix the broken process?

The solution, my friends, is discipline. Or baseball, if you prefer. By that I mean each player needs to play his assigned position in accordance with his strengths -- and no one else's. You can't have the shortstop sprinting to first base or the pitcher standing in center field.

Here are some guidelines to help each approver play to his strengths:

(1) Choose one person to write. Everyone else should be hands-off. Hands-off people should comment and give direction but not write, re-write or edit.

(2) Set parameters for each approver's contribution. Here are the roles I suggest for marketing managers, product managers and lawyers.

Marketing managers should ask, "Does it support the brand and long-term business objectives?" They should comment on messaging and emphasis.

Common overstep by marketing managers: Reciting messaging verbatim in the headline, subhead, lead or quotes. Instead, consider messaging an indirect takeaway.

Some explicit recitation of messaging may be OK, but only if blended with vocabulary and scenarios that are familiar and compelling to the audience. Try to balance messaging with empathy and authenticity, as seen through the audience's eyes. Otherwise, you lose credibility and induce the MEGO effect (My Eyes Glaze Over).

Product managers should ask, "Is it accurate?" They should comment on the technology, features and benefits.

Common overstep by marketing managers: Deleting or moving down social context. Instead, let the top half of the press release answer "why" and the bottom half answer "how." In other words, first establish relevance in the lives of the audience, then explain how it works.

Lawyers should ask, "Could we be sued or penalized?" They should comment on potentially negative consequences related to the SEC and other regulators, intellectual property (trademarks, patents, copyrights) and whether the company can deliver on promises.

Common overstep by lawyers: Changing punctuation and capitalization to meet style standards for legal contracts, and deleting social context for the announcement. Instead, let internal experts use AP style, the industry standard for news media and PR. Look for compromises that prevent legal problems while allowing social context.

The best way to avoid problems is to pay more attention to the pre-writing process. There should be substantive input before creating a first rough draft.

Don't even bother to write a "shell." It's a futile time-waster that creates needless frustration for all.

Instead, ask the approvers to do these tasks in advance:

Marketing managers should:
-prioritize target audiences and messaging
-weigh in on correct emphasis
-explicitly state what long-term business objectives are being served

Product managers should:
-demo the technology for the writer
-provide detail on specs, features and benefits
-weigh in on correct emphasis

A VP- or higher-level PR person on the agency side should "frontload" the writer. By that I mean provide context for the assignment. This should take less than 10 minutes and cover:

-news release's role in overall strategy
-detailed description of intended audiences and problems the product or service solves
-intended effect on audience (including actions to be invoked)
-competitive differentiators and indirect takeaways about the industry or audience, not just the product/service or company
-desired emphasis

Who writes? Usually a mid-level PR person, often an AE or SAE, who understands the task is to balance competing interests while appealing to external audiences. This person is more of a relationship broker than a writer because he won't be using his own voice or acting on his own priorities. The writer is really a mediator.

The writer/mediator does the following:
-receives content and other inputs
-looks for holes and asks questions
-consults with PR team members for frontloading, to find out what's been done in the past and for a mid-point check-in on content and structure (but not wordsmithing)

Ideally, the writer/mediator has access to:
-the sales department’s internal PowerPoints on customers and competitors to better understand the overall business and how to dovetail with parallel campaigns
-internal company and agency research, including Search Engine Optimization, aka SEO, and key initial findings that informed the PR plan in the first place

In many cases, the writer/mediator must develop the context that hooks the immediate announcement into the ongoing conversations of key influencers (while remaining within the parameters of branding and business objectives). A good way to do this is an audience analysis technique I call PDAs (Problems, Decisions and Actions). More on that in a future post.

Why add context? That's what makes it a "news" release. News is info that surprises people or helps them make decisions.

News = announcement + context

If you want to write solely about your product, that's OK, too, but -- technically speaking -- that's more of a backgrounder or fact sheet. Journalists do appreciate those and the SEC may require them, so have at it. You don't have to include context if you are talking primarily to beat reporters who already know your company well.

Throw out 95%

Now the writer has a big pile of inputs and must select the most compelling and relevant 5%, looking for intersections between disparate topics and resources.

Notice I said 5%. Writing is really a matter of deciding what to leave out. The writer should plan on deleting 95% or more of his source material.

Sometimes people ask me if it isn't more efficient to just collect only what matters in the first place. The answer is no because your final product will be shallow if you do. It will lack resonance. It won't have a shelf-life. And it will falter in the approval process.

Good writing comes from good content. First get the best ideas, then simplify and package them for easy absorption by strangers.

OK, getting back to process ...

The writer's unique contribution (separate from that of the others who gave early input) includes appropriate vocabulary and scenarios that will be familiar to audiences.

This last part -- audience vocabulary and scenarios -- is extraneous to what the marketing and product team may have had in mind. It also might feel superfluous and imprecise to lawyers.

However, it's the link to the audience, so please let the PR person proceed with this small contribution. When approving these few phrases, keep in mind your position and expertise. If you're the first baseman, stick to playing first base. Comment and compromise, but don't delete and re-write.

Ideal situation: Get PR, marketing, product and legal to agree in advance on appropriate vocabulary and scenarios. Key point: Look for language your audience really uses and delve into problems they actually talk about among themselves.

This is the same logic behind search engine optimization. But it has always been true, even before there were search engines. Know your audience and speak their language. Be useful to them, from their perspective.

Does the writer have to work alone? No, preferably not. Others on the PR team can help by providing:

-a speedy midpoint check-in to approve content and structure (not wordsmithing, which can still be rough and wrong at this stage) Time: 5 minutes
-a hands-off look by someone who didn’t draft the release and can provide outside eyes as to whether the information is clear to outsiders and mechanically sound (grammar, etc.), and to say what indirect takeaways they picked up on
-a hands-on look by a senior person who can finesse the small stuff while keeping in mind the big stuff (but please read my other blog posts for advice on this)
-proofreading
-submission to the person who will oversee the approval process, perhaps with a note explaining reasons for certain decisions and listing possible alternatives

Questions the writer should ask:
1. What are my client’s hot buttons, preferred vocabulary and customs?
2. What approved language from previous releases should be included to provide continuity and help beat reporters and analysts distinguish new info from background?
3. Have I added context that connects the client to the outside world without becoming distracting or irrelevant (and while remaining within parameters of brand and business objectives)?
4. Is the “why” at the top and the “how” at the bottom of the release?
5. Will the first paragraph appeal to relevant outsiders and make them lean in to listen?
6. Have I blended messaging with news value?
7. Have I met both the client’s and audience’s needs?
8. Are customer types specifically named in the release and generally in the fronts rather than middles or backs of sentences? (not users; instead educators, physicians, Web designers, network architects, business professionals, families …)
9. If I delete the quote, will I have to rewrite the release to fill in the missing content? (If not, then rewrite the quote. The speaker should add substance or remain silent.)
10. Have I added white space through effective use of subheads, bullets and short paragraphs? (White space is inviting.)
11. Do my subheads have verbs in them? (If not, consider rewriting. Drill down deeper. Be more specific.)
12. What is my gut saying that I’m ignoring? (Don’t ignore it. Honor your instincts.)

Discipline and self-restraint are make-or-break factors in fixing your broken approval process. Everyone needs to know their position and respect their teammates.

How to figure out your client's writing preferences

Of course, this has never happened to you, but it might have happened to someone you know:

A hard-to-please client is re-writing your team’s work in the wee hours. Team morale is sliding because new quality control measures haven't helped. Baffled junior staff wonder if they chose the wrong career, and senior staff schedule extra client meetings to get to the bottom of things, to no effect.

In case you ever land in this situation -- or better still, if you want to pre-empt it -- here's what you can do to figure out a challenging client's writing preferences.

(1) Find out who your client admires -- Ask for writing samples from third-party or internal sources that the client likes. These may be from a company the client admires or the work of a favorite internal writer. Most people can’t articulate their preferences, but they know what they like when they see it.

(2) Study a body of tracked changes -- Gather three to five samples of this person’s tracked changes and look for patterns.

(3) Analyze in three specific categories: (a) discretionary vocabulary, (b) sentence structure and (c) content decisions. (That’s for starters. When I dive into these, I tend to find more categories specific to the client.)

(a) Discretionary vocabulary –
Does your client prefer international, global or worldwide? They all mean the same thing, right? Does he like meet, need and look better than assemble, require and appear? Again, same meaning, different words.

But to him, one set sounds right and the other doesn't. He can't tell you why. For most of us, it's a natural inclination to want writing that we are editing to sound similar to the syntax and connotation that matches the voice we hear in our head when we read. Most of us don't realize that we have these personal biases.

Does your client choose customer retention over customer loyalty, dramatically over highly, and stimulate over fuel?

Make a list of words that potentially could have been interchangeable with other words of similar meaning. Analyze them.

Some people have biases for particular sounds – like the “uhl” sounds in loyal, highly and fuel. I can't tell you why, just that I've observed it.

Some insist on generic college words (Latinate) like establish, initiate, consolidate and examine, while others prefer plain words (Anglo-Saxon) like set up, start, join and find. I know of one individual who likes Latinate verbs but poetic Anglo-Saxon kicks at the ends of sentences: “….consolidate ….initiate… cash in on the car’s cachet.”

If you detect an underlying core image, it may be easier to guess which discretionary words will be the best fit. Your client won’t realize how deliberately you made your choice; he’ll just feel comfortable reading what you wrote and won’t know why.

One company’s preferred vocabulary reminds me of music from the 1968 sci-fi classic “2001: A Space Odyssey.” It’s transcendent and expansive – freed from the limitations of, future generations, legendary.

Another emphasizes comparison (double the capacity, aggressive development milestones, outperform, minimal) and perspective (in a roundup of five, range from, longstanding, latest).

One reminds me of a race car: speed, accelerate, perform, grab, win, spin, stop.

(b) Sentence structure –
I know of at least one individual who systematically deletes all introductory clauses without fail. Meanwhile, others insist on them: “At a time when people are traveling more than ever (comma)” or “Demonstrating the popularity of mobile devices (comma).”

One company likes a rhythm of fours instead of the usual rhythm of threes, as in “apples, oranges, bananas and pears” versus “apples, oranges and bananas.”

I know of a company that deletes adjectives, except for certain ones immediately in front of product names – and nowhere else. This company mostly writes with strong verbs highly recommended). Many people do just the opposite. They mostly write with jazzy nouns (and quiet verbs like is, has, do), and love adjectives everywhere.

I know of a veteran professional communicator with an engineer’s love for efficiency but none for colloquialisms. So it’s “enables remote PC access” not “so users can connect to their PC while away from the office.” Another company with similar products prefers just the opposite.

(c) Content choices –
Some companies like to make explicit statements about business strategy in product announcements. Others stick to specs and features. A few (the ones that win awards and get talked about) emphasize social context. (Everyone agrees on emphasizing benefits.)

Once you’ve got these kinds of lists in front of you, the problem is no longer mysterious. You can create a cheat sheet for everyone on the team to use.

Don't channel your inner Henry Higgins while editing business documents

Skilled editors and mentors recognize individuality, respect deadlines, and know where a document lives in the big picture of the organization's reasons for being.

Arbitrary editors impose their own syntax and biases onto others, turning dashes into semicolons, replacing "seems" with "resembles," replacing "stemmed" with "originated," inserting a comma where they want to hear a pause, adding "transitions," and committing other crimes against nature.

Unfortunately, we are all arbitrary editors at heart. It takes professional restraint to keep oneself from transforming other people's writing into what "sounds right" to us.

But remember: What they told you in kindergarten is schmaltzy but true. People are like snowflakes, each one beautiful and like no other.

Yes, even if your team aims to write in a particular client's voice, you still need to give writers some elbow room.

Here are ways you can become a more productive editor.

On your first read, use the blue highlighter in Word to mark any phrasing, punctuation or content that hits you funny. Don't stop to fix it. Just highlight it.

On your second read, look only at the blue and ask yourself questions like these:

- Are there recurring patterns in what bothers me?

- Is a key perspective missing?

- Have the audience's needs been met?

- Are proof points missing?

- What long-term business objectives do we need to serve?

- Does this document dovetail with related efforts and campaigns?

- What indirect takeaways do we need readers to catch?

- Are the content and tone credible? Persuasive? Authentic?

- Is the hook, decision, recommendation, surprise or change at the top (where it belongs), with back story, rationale, alternatives, "the how," archival record-keeping details or chronology pulling up the rear?

Create three to five bullet points & ask for speedy tweaks

Next, compose an e-mail (that you may or may not send), articulating three to five points that can be expressed as questions or how-to suggestions.

Then, send the blue-highlighted version with your questions in an e-mail to the writer, asking for the fixes within 20 minutes. Or speak by phone or face-to-face.

When you get the document back, read it afresh, again with the blue highlighter. (You'll be delighted by the changes, believe me, and you'll have saved yourself time by doing something else on your to-do list while the writer made the improvements.)

Then read the blue and begin editing, consciously treading lightly, trying to make as few marks as possible on the page.

Better still, call the writer over and have him sit beside you at the keyboard. This results in a dialog that makes the edits go faster. When you voice a concern, the writer will probably have an idea for addressing it.

Avoid changing something for a vague reason such as "it sounds/flows better that way." Don't impose your values, standards or prejudices on the document, even if yours are better than the writer's, even if you are the mentor and he is the mentee. Let other people's work be different from yours.

Focus on business outcomes and decisions.

Try it. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

Or continue as you are, Arbitrary Editor, so that you can alienate your team members, keep working into the wee hours, and feeling as frustrated as the pompous Henry Higgins of "My Fair Lady," who asked, "Why can't ________ be more like me?"

Editors, build a powerful writer through self-restraint; don't track changes

Here’s another way to help a new writer grow without resorting to tracked changes. Try highlights.

On Oct. 8, I riffed about bad editors being bad for business. For the purposes of this blog, “bad editors” means “people who re-write the work of others.” Let me say it again: Re-writing is not editing.

Today, I’ll show you an example of a new employee’s work and what I said to influence her second draft. I didn’t touch a hair on her document’s head. She wrote every word of both versions herself.

From: Edwards, Lauren

Sent: Thursday, [Month XX], 2009 11:54 AM

To: [Name Removed – I’ll call her Sarah]

Subject: suggestions here FW: Draft Pitch on Acme SmartTech

Hi again, Sarah. If you have time before we meet, try restructuring this slightly so that the yellow is the first line of the pitch and the green comes soon after that, and then the blue. (See below.)

Also consider writing as if to a blogger. Did you take the class on writing for social media? Write to a person, not so much “about” something.

Talk to you later.

Lauren

The "after" version is concise, newsy & to the point

Here’s the first line of her original:

For years, families with autistic children lived with frustration, despair, and little chance of any substantial treatment.

Here’s the first line of her second (and much improved) draft:

Non-verbal autistic children no longer have to suffer in silence.

I like Draft 2 better because it’s shorter, shows a break in the normal flow of events (“news”), and gets right to the point without wasting words on setting up what she’ll say before she says it.

Here’s her second sentence:

Original: New technology from Acme is offering hope for these families and empowering autistic kids to communicate in ways once never thought possible.

You don’t care, right? I mean, you’d like to think you are a caring person and all, but really …do you care while reading that sentence? Her writing mechanics are fine, but this is not compelling.

Here’s her second draft’s second sentence: For the first time, they can tell their teachers, “My head hurts,” or communicate that they are hungry or tired, thanks to technology from Acme being used at the Ryde Technology School in San Francisco.

I’d include video links to the broadcast hits that resulted from this pitch, but in this blog I’m deliberately masking identities to preserve confidentiality. In these excerpts, I’ve changed the names of the city, school, client, technology and writer. I’ve also left out the exact date.

Aside: [I can't resist, however, sharing one line of a particular broadcast story about an autistic teen who had never been able to speak until he began using this new technology. He said, "I'm funny, but nobody knows it." He gave a wry smile. My heart broke open and I said, "Awww."

Can you imagine these kids going through life fluent and with things to say but unable to say them!! This is why I love my job. Our clients really do make the world a better place.]

"Sarah" is now powerful, successful & motivated

From my perspective as writing coach, the best outcome is not the hits. It’s that “Sarah” is now powerful. She’s stoked, successful and knows how to do better from the start next time. She feels ownership, pride and hope -- all of which are energizing and motivating.

If her work had been re-written, or if she’d been told to “make it more compelling” or some such vague advice, she’d be some combination of confused and demoralized, whether she fully realized it or not.

If you want to see the yellow, green and blue highlights referenced in my e-mail, here they are. You’ll see that she grasps the point of my highlights, but provides her own words, pacing and content decisions for the re-write.

Original w/ highlights (but not tracked changes!):

For years, families with autistic children lived with frustration, despair, and little chance of any substantial treatment. New technology from Acme is offering hope for these families and empowering autistic kids to communicate in ways once never thought possible.

The Ryde Technology School in San Francisco is now using the Acme SmartTech device with voice recording technology to make progress in teaching non-verbal autistic children to speak. By using the SmartTech, students who have never verbalized their thoughts are finally given a voice. For the first time, they can tell their parents “I love you” or communicate to their teachers that they are hungry or tired.

This is a testament to the amazing potential of technology to help people overcome special needs and improve lives. For years, Acme has been committed to developing products and services that are accessible to everyone, including people with disabilities and age-related impairments. …

It goes on, but that’s enough to show you what I mean about using highlights. Amazing what a great substitute they can be for tracked changes.

It’s also worth noting that her first version was an overly long 312 words; her second, 186 words. And I didn't even have to ask her to "be more concise," which is another thing bad editors often say. (If writers knew *how* to be concise, they already would have done that. Be more specific.)

Anyway, atta girl, “Sarah”!

Editors, try this yourself and please let me know how it goes.